8.25.2011

An update on 2.


 It seems that squirmy newborns are rather difficult to get pictures of.

2 kids. It's a really big change. Prior to having Hazel I heard mixed reviews from friends and acquaintances about adding a second to the family. Some said it was no big deal, some said it was really hard. Were the ones that claimed the first lying? It's not like it's anything terrible. It's so so wonderful to add another member to our family. Especially the sweet sweet thing that she is. I just feel like it's going to take a significant amount of time to settle in, figure out some kind of a routine, and get used to it. I don't think I realized how much time out of the day my E still needs me. He needs my love, he needs my attention. He's just 2. It was most definitely hard for him to scoot over and allow that time and attention to be shared. At one point, he looked around the room, and started grabbing anything that belonged to his sister claiming it was his. "MINE!" "MINE!" Instead of feeling angry with him, I felt the opposite. I felt really, really sad. I began to bawl at the thought of my first baby boy whom I have coddled and swooned over for the past 2 years feeling so threatened. Then my dad helped me realize something. This is part of his growth. A natural path in his life that has to be crossed in order for him to become a better young man. He's learning to be less selfish. He's learning about loving someone younger. He's learning about family. He now has a sibling for the rest of his life, and these are certainly not things to feel bad over.

I'm terrified to go out by myself with the 2 of them. Is grocery shopping even achievable? Do you all take BOTH of your kids out for errands, or do you wait until someone can watch one or both of them? I nearly fall apart when both of them are crying at the same time. How do I pick who to help? I've been choosing to let baby girl cry a little, while I tend to E. I figure he knows better. Am I wrong? I find it hard to keep both bums dry all the time. If I keep up on sister poop machine, I find I've neglected E and his pants are soaked through. It's tough to avoid the guilt. It seems I'm feeling guilty about one or the other no matter what. If I'm taking time to spend with E (which is most of the day) then I feel guilty about H spending the day in her bouncer. If I take time to hold H, then I feel bad about E taking a back seat. I've just had to tell myself "it's ok." It's ok for E to play alone, and it's ok for H to have alone time too. It's just going to be different.

So far, it's been a difficult but enjoyable ride. We've got the rest of our lives to go! E has started to call little H "Hazie." Which melts my heart. He's been nothing but kind to her, and he loves to kiss her but does NOT like to hold her. He's slowly learning to play by himself, and I'm slowly learning to be ok with it. Hazel is such a little angel. Despite the fact that she grunts like a nanny goat 80% of the night, she's incredibly sweet and nurses like a champ which is a huge relief compared to my experience nursing E. I don't think she looks much like E. I'm not really sure who she looks like. She's her own little person with a beautiful set of lips and the most darling hair color that I really hope stays.

As for me? I'm feeling pretty good! Ready to get my hair done, start working out, and stop looking/feeling like I just had a baby. I'm really emotional about my sweet family. I've got a really helpful and loving husband, the funnest, coolest, loving little boy, a lovely little baby girl, and a ton of helpful and thoughtful family and friends. I thought to myself yesterday, that although there's an adjustment period that seems tough, these are some of the best times of my entire life. Family is really just what life is all about.

25 comments:

Elaine said...

I was so glad to get an update from you! I'm glad things are working out. E seems like a good boy. He'll be fine :)

Ruth H. said...

Glad things are going well. It all sounds....totally normal. Two can be so overwhelming until you've had four, and can't figure out why you thought two was so tough! I tried to potty train #1 when #2 was three months old. Such a big mistake! Just try to survive for the first six months. And guess what? Concentrate on the fact that grocery shopping is going to be easier now than when you have two children asking you for things and trying to climb out of the cart, and you will be feel more confident. When my oldest were 3 and 1, I actually left A FULL CART OF GROCERIES in the parking lot and drove all the way home....just because I was so distracted! Enjoy this crazy time in your life--you are going to have awesome war stories.

Liesl said...

That first picture is too darling for words! I can only imagine how wonderful it must be to add a new little one to the family, but also so much work. My older sister has 2 boys, and I am sure it can be a struggle at times. I think what E is feeling is normal and some of his reactions seeking attention are also very normal...I am sure it will get better in time, it is just all new and sharing is suddenly more needed than before, but important too and you dad said it perfectly! :) Glad you are feeling great about yourself and doing things for you too...you deserve it!

Liesl :)

Courtney B said...

Oh gosh she's gorgeous! Your kids are adorable!! I'm so glad you're feeling good and everything is ok for your family!
I can only imagine the change a second baby has brought to your life, but I KNOW you'll get the hang of it :)

April said...

I bet it's overwhelming to all of a sudden have 2 kids but you'll get the hang of it soon, I'm sure. I love the name you chose for Hazel, so pretty. And I love that hairbow. She is beautiful.

Heather at Dragonfly Designs said...

oh so lovely! You`ll figure out a routine ~ I love your outlook! I had twins first so I don't know any differently :) Congrats on your gorgeous little family!

ElisabethCS said...

Girlfriend, I know exactly how you're feeling. Been there myself. A couple times. Hang in there. Not gonna tell you the guilt or the overwhelming-ness of it all goes away, but I will tell ya it does get a tad easier. I often miss "my time" but as you know...it's all worth giving up.
Okay, my five minutes on blogger are up...

XO
Elisabeth

The Happy Yoga Mom

PC&Trev said...

I just started looking at your blog, due to SEI. I hope you don't mind. There are several authors I think are fabulous: Michael and Debi Pearl & Dr. Sears. Their books have helped me get my kids under control :)

You look like an adorable person with such creativity. Congrats on the new baby. I have 2 boys, 2 years apart. Your in for a lot of fun. I am trying to convince the hubby for a couple more.
Thanks
Christtina H

Amy N. said...

You'll settle into a routine soon! Fill the needs you can handle, and don't be afraid to ask for help with others. Just remember that you are not expected to be everything to everyone all the time.

As far as grocery shopping, I used to put my 2 year old in the cart and have my newborn strapped to me. That way they were both contained and there was still room in the cart for groceries.

Take a breather every once and awhile and do something that reminds you that you are a person too. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel after you remember who you are.

Anna of IHOD said...

Sarah, she is soo soo precious. Let me tell you- two seems much more overwhelming at first than it will end up to be. We women are great at adapting to what God puts in our path, right?
I felt a little inadequate at first and very emotional over my son being bumped from the baby spot. Luckily, I think he was young enough where he only had love for his baby sister. We had some interesting tantrums come along but you are right...it taught him to be a big boy.
There is nothing better than watching sibling interaction. And each day gets better.
My mom had 11 of us, and she claims two and three were the hardest! I certainly haven't been brave enough to go to the store with two yet unless its an in and out. Otherwise, I wait till the weekend! =)
What a wonderful momma you are!

Whitney said...

I love reading your insights! You are so wise and such a good mom. I hate the guilt I am already feeling it only having one to care for. I just have to keep telling myself if I am doing my very best that is all I can do. So glad to call you family.

mom2four said...

I'm so happy to hear you update. And though at times it's hard (totally normal) you all seem to be adjusting well. I have 4 kiddos and let me say that going from 1 to 2 was the hardest for me.....of course child #2 was my hardest child ;) LOL I second someone recommendation of books by the Pearls but would also add the Babywise series. I wasn't a die hard but pretty generally followed their plan. It helped me relax and lesson the guilt I felt at times. Now my oldest is 12 and the youngest is 5 and the guilt is MUCH less and way far between ;)

Hannah Stayner said...

I have two boys 17 months apart. The best advice a friend ever gave me, was when they both cry, go to the oldest one first. Babies don't feel jealousy, and resentment. Two year olds on the other hand... Do. So I think you are doing the right thing :)

Also, great advice I got: talk about the baby as "E's sister" example: "E, it sounds like your sister is crying! Should we go help her?" that way he begins to feel like she belongs to him. They belong to each other. Which is how a family should feel. And there is less resentment,

Those two things alone saved me. Thought I would pass it on :)

emily+brett said...

we are in the EXACT same faze right now. although steele has adjusted pretty well it has been so difficult taking care of a two year old with no sleep. i never have energy but still feel like i need to go to the playground or pool with steele to get his energy out. i'm just glad it's summer, otherwise i would really feel trapped and have some serious post-partum. leaving the house is near impossible, right?! have to give myself at least 2 hours to leave the house. we'll have to keep in touch and give each other tips.

Aubrey Anne said...

First: It will be ok! I completely relate to the fear that #1 will feel abandoned because you care for #2. I was so scared of that when I had my #2. Just use the opportunity to teach him that the heart is capable of growing with love for more than one person. My in-laws bought #1 a beautiful book called "A Room in My Heart" about that when #2 was born. They both love to read it now, even though they're 8 and 6.

Second of all, adding another child to the mix triples the work, not doubles! It's not surprising at all that you're overwhelmed. I have 3 boys, and I absolutely refuse to go to the grocery store without Husband along with me to tame the troops!

Good luck, I love your blog. And congrats on the good eater!

Aubrey Anne said...

I just read Hannah's comment, and I want to second that! That's fabulous advice!

Maggy R. said...

I'm sure you are going to work things out with your 2 little one.whether it's diapers , crying a cuddling :)
you'll just learn like u probably did with little E!!!

Hazel is a cutie, must be amazing to have a little girl after a boy, isnt it so different?? I wonder ?? :)

glad you have such a good recovery and nursing Ü ( I know about bad nursing :s)

xoox

London said...

I say keep it up. Sounds to me like you are doing amazing and everything will work out. I can't even imagine the addition of one little bundle in my life happening in Oct! You are awesome!

Heidi Jo said...

not gonna give you ANY advice, b/c you will figure out what works best for you.

but that baby hazel---OH MY LORD, she is beautiful.

end of story.

Shawntae said...

I'm so so nervous!Ahhh Everyone says it will take awhile for everything to adjust and i'm sorry it's been soo stressfull to you. Youi'll look back and it will just be a memory that you can tell another pregnant mom that is about to have her second child. haha A lot of moms I talk to that have multiple kids talk about baby wearing. I plan on doing this once Navy is born. That way both your kids feel tended too and you are hands free so you can still play with E.

Kellie said...

I can totally relate to the feelings you are describing. For me, it was a much bigger adjustment going to two kids than going from 0 to 1 kid! It's hard to watch #1 adjust...I felt like I was just getting after him all the time for the first little while. But don't worry, it does get easier! And yes, you will be able to take both to the grocery store. Even if that's the only thing you accomplish all day, you'll feel like you just climbed Mt. Everest! :)

Melissa | I Still Love You said...

I'm so sorry things have been tough! It's definitely a balance to keep two in diapers with dry bums & give both kids enough attention. I ended up going a size up on diapers for both Penelope & Felix so they'd stay drier, longer. That helped a lot.

Penelope pretty much ignored Felix for those first couple of months, so that wasn't the hardest part. The toughest thing was keeping Penelope close while carting around a giant car seat around during errands. She's a runner, so it was terrifying to go out that first time.

Alainarae said...

Oh! I remember those days...There is nothing like them...I actually sometimes miss the times when #2 was a tiny baby. There was just something magical about it- but I have my blog to remind me of all the stress, funny things my 2 year old did at the time, and so on...

I just really focused on getting the baby sleep trained, especially for naps, and if you can achieve that, I would spend the morning and afternoon naps that the baby took to spend special time with my toddler. I felt like I got lots of one on one time with each of them, because when the baby woke up from his morning nap, it was time for the older one to take his nap after lunch. Then when he woke up, the baby would take a nap! Sometimes the toddler would wonder where the baby even was, because he wouldn't see him until dinner time! But you'll figure out something that works for you.

We loved anything that involved being outside- especially in our backyard- no traveling, mess, or worrying about all those details. The baby loved being outside, and the older one got to run around. Those were some of the most simple, yet challenging days of my life... Now I'm totally wondering how I am going to handle the arrival of #3, with a 4 and almost 3 year old! That is a whole new ball game! Just enjoy- sleep as much as you can with them, and cuddle as much as possible :)

Team Babb said...

I love your pictures ma'am! Really. You have the most beautiful family. I'm excited for your new little addition. What a blessing!! My husband and I are hoping to hear good news soon. We've been trying for a while and I'm just so anxious to be a mommy! You do it beautifully by the way. I was obsessed with your pregger outfit posts! I really wanted some inspiration for the future :)
Oh, and thanks for the tip about Melissa's blog, Pink Pistachio. I found a new friend! :)

ooooxxx,
~Mel

Melissa Staker said...

This sounds so familiar! I went through a very similar phase. Big brother age 2 with new baby sister. It was tough at first, not going to lie. And I felt guilty about flipping Dax's world upside down, but I came to the same conclusion you did - it's a growing period. For him, for mom, for the whole family. And what better thing could you do for your son than bring a sibling into the world for him. Soon enough you'll start to see what I'm starting to see. A relationship is forming and they're starting to enjoy eachother. And there's nothing better than watching your two children laugh and play together. Hang in there! Congrats on two beautiful kids!