On an ordinary day I ventured in to my guest bathroom. When gazing into the tub/shower you'd usually find scattered bath toys and some men's shaving tools. On this day something caught my eye. My husband had purchased new body wash. Normally I wouldn't think twice about the brand, size, bottle, or overall appearance of his body wash of choice. This is the bottle of Dial I found:
Does any particular phrase catch your attention? What about the claim: "ATTRACTION ENHANCING." Attraction enhancing?? I had to say it in my mind a couple of times just to make sure I understood what this bottle my husband had picked up was actually claiming. Then I realized it's also called MAGNETIC. Should I be concerned about this?? I think to myself. I really thought my marriage was a secure and stable one, but this has got me thinking...is he trying to attract me? Is he...gasp..trying to attract someone else? He can't be trying to attract someone else or he wouldn't leave the bottle in plain sight. So I make a decision right then and there, that I will confront him about this "Pheromone infused" substance. So I walk straight up to him, body wash in hand, and I say "If you're insecure about our relationship, all you have to do is talk to me about it." He looks at me with a completely blank stare. "Attraction enhancing?" I say. He has no idea. I clue him in to the fact that he has unknowingly purchased body wash that includes (to quote the dictionary) "A chemical secreted by an animal, especially an insect, that influences the behavior or development of others of the same species, often functioning as an attractant of the opposite sex." Really all along I knew him well enough to know that Trav chooses body wash by smell. I can picture him now standing in the Walmart isle popping open each and every lid and taking a brief sniff to determine which smell will be most post shower pleasing. At this point I had lost it, and started laughing hysterically. (it was late.) I couldn't help but picture the men out there that might actually need/want to benefit from the claims of this product. The next morning before Trav left for work, I held up the body wash and asked "do you think it could work for me?" I guess if I was really clever I would have thrust myself at him convincing him that the wash had truly sucked me in.
I came across this letter to Dial via goodonesaregone.com that I found rather amusing.
I admit, I use your men’s body wash. It’s one of the few on the market that doesn’t smell like rotting wood and makes my skin feel normal and balanced. But something has come to my attention that I feel I need to address.
Attraction-enhancing body wash? Really?
So, let me get this straight. You developed a body wash for men, gave it a slick name like “Magnetic” or something, gave it a more mysterious and sensual aroma, then somehow…put pheromones in it? Now you’ve gone too far!
When you get to be my age, any good fortune with attracting the ladies is a personal triumph not to be taken lightly. And now, you and your pheromone-infused, attraction-enhancing body wash…are taking credit for it? Nice.