I love you the same. I think...

Since the day my son was born, I've been utterly and completely smitten. I have become entirely consumed by the needs of this sweet little boy so much that it seems most of the time, all other people, places, and things take a non-negotiable back seat. Shortly after E was born I was having a conversation with Trav about our new edition and said "he's my favorite." I probably wouldn't have even noticed the favoritism if he hadn't shot me a look reminding me that I'd known him for far longer than the 2 weeks I'd spent with E. I was even inconsiderate enough to try Trav's current designated nickname "lovey" on little E for size.

My dad gave me a piece of advice. He told me that nurturing my relationship with Trav was just as important, if not more, than the work I put in to parenting E. Someday {heaven forbid...I hate even writing it} little E is going to get married and leave the nest. So from that day on, I tried to do better. This week I failed at this goal. M i s e r a b l y.

Trav and I had planned for weeks to go to the last home game of the season for the Utah Jazz. I had everything worked out so that my mom would be taking care of E. I had spent all day with my "2nd favorite", and it was time to leave him behind and meet daddy in Salt Lake. After a prolonged and probably unnecessary good-bye complete with 10 requests to say "bye-bye to mommy" and 4 requests to "give mommy a kiss", I began to walk away. The tears began and he reached in my direction. I managed to continue standing by the door and debate leaving for a good 5 minutes until my dad finally told me to "just go."
I had a stomach ache all the way to the meeting point. {And to think there are people dealing with natural disasters! Agonizing over a perfectly reasonable date night with my husband makes me sound awful.} Upon arrival I immediately explained my distress to Trav. I told him how I would feel better about it if I didn't have to work the next day. I just felt like I was going to be abandoning him for a much longer period of time than was necessary. After nearly 5 years spent with me, Trav understands me. He began a recruiting process to see if he could get someone else to come to the game with him. He loves Jazz games and was really looking forward to it. Here we were at the train station, waiting for one of his friends to call back and meet him there, so I could run home to my baby. What a sob story! .-Insert sappy violin music- Mother of one is torn between the husband she loves, and the son she adores. Whatever will she do!? 

I went to the game, and tried to enjoy myself. I did enjoy spending time with Trav. 

He talks back,
He's got manly handsomeness,
He understands sarcasm,
His arms reach around me,
He doesn't drool 
The next day I sent him this email:


Thank you for taking me to the Jazz game last night. I really do love hanging out with you, and I appreciate the fact that you want to hang out with me. I'm sorry I was such a boob. I wish I would have just enjoyed the time and stopped worrying so much. I love both of my boys equally much, I just love you in different ways. I know you understand, and that's why I love you.

It may have helped if the Jazz didn't hand themselves to the Suns on a platter and beg them to slaughter them.



Sandra said...

And don't forget that you don't have to change Travis's poopy drawers.

Well, unless you have to. In which case, you're a much better wife than you're giving yourself credit. :)

There's a reason why so many people split after the birth of their first.

Keep up the good work. It's a hard juggle that men don't understand, but I'm sure you're doing an awesome job. Some weeks are better than others.

Angie said...

Ok way to make me cry before I've even finished my coffee!!! Great advice from your Dad. As a Mother I feel your pain and I mean I FEEL your pain. Mine are 9 and almost 12 and I'm still struggling with that balance. Only another Mother can really understand.

Jenni M. said...

I agree with your dad for sure. You did the right thing. Sam and I make it a goal for the kids to know that Mommy and Daddy come first in mommy and daddy's priorities. That way, hopefully, they will understand and do the same with their spouses someday. If mommy and daddy, put mommy and daddy first, then the kiddies will always have enough love from mommy and daddy for them.

That's a lot of mommy and daddies but I think you'll understand what I mean.

Plus, E won't even remember that you left him that one time. But he will remember how you and Trav make time for each other often.

Megan said...

I know exactly what you mean! Today is my husband's birthday and we're leaving Charlie with a babysitter (not family) for the first time...oh dear. I'm glad you posted this so that I won't ruin his birthday by worrying about Charlie the whole time!
I can't even think about Charlie growing up and going on a mission or (swallow) getting married! I want him to be little forever!

Mike said...

Sar, you are doing great! At least you went on the date. We REALLY need to go on a date, Mike asks all the time...we just need to drop everything and go. Your dad's advice is perfect. THANK YOU for posting this...I think it was meant to remind me that I need to nurture our relationship too! :)

Amy said...

ahhh, I remember the days of it being painful to leave my little babies. Now they run away from me every chance they get! Sometimes, love does hurt!

LambAround said...

Aww, I think that was a very sweet email you sent :)

Lamb’s Most Recent Post: DINKS in a Hostel

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Hi! I'm stopping by from SITS Sharefest...
My mom always told me that husbands can come and go, but your kids are blood and will always be your kids. :)

Mykell said...

Your dad is a wise man!! The kids are going to grow and leave and then you and Travis have to pick up and continue on with your marriage. I have also had problems with this and I read something very interesting....most divorces occur after the kids have grown and moved out, and its because that marriage relationship wasnt nourished and put first when they were young. And trust me, it gets harder when you have more kids. Just remember the only way to make a marriage last is to put it first!! It comes before everyone, including your kids!! Just do your best that is all anyone can ask for!!

Heather @ Gerber Days said...

So you are Jazz fans too huh?! We are die hards. :)

Can I ask you where you got your freaking cute headband! I kind of love it.